tenoko
Master earthbender
Maiko?!?!? Try Ty Luko!!!
Posts: 838
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Post by tenoko on Jan 5, 2008 5:33:13 GMT 1
Hmmm.... it feels like you rushed this second half. And the whole Zuko and Mai flirting while there's a fight going on was really unrealistic in avatar terms. I think you should sit down and re-think it a bit, slow down and take your time. We can be patient if patience is what it will take to make a good read.
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Kelly
Waterbender
GO TOKKA
Posts: 276
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Post by Kelly on Jan 5, 2008 22:44:59 GMT 1
Hmmm.... it feels like you rushed this second half. And the whole Zuko and Mai flirting while there's a fight going on was really unrealistic in avatar terms. I think you should sit down and re-think it a bit, slow down and take your time. We can be patient if patience is what it will take to make a good read. Its a BIG joke... I know Zuko and Mai would be fighting!! If you don't like it sorry, I'll try to inproof......... I'm making this up As i go on, ya know........ |
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tenoko
Master earthbender
Maiko?!?!? Try Ty Luko!!!
Posts: 838
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Post by tenoko on Jan 8, 2008 4:59:35 GMT 1
It's fine, but it just feels rushed, that's all.
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Kelly
Waterbender
GO TOKKA
Posts: 276
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Post by Kelly on Jan 8, 2008 23:48:19 GMT 1
I know sorry... i'm good at writing out fights.......................
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waterbender111
Master airbender
Water you drink it I bend it!
Posts: 165
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Post by waterbender111 on Jan 12, 2008 1:15:27 GMT 1
lol that was SOOOOOOO funny i love to write storys to but about horses and dragons but im to embarrassed to put them on here.
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Kelly
Waterbender
GO TOKKA
Posts: 276
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Post by Kelly on Jan 12, 2008 1:55:50 GMT 1
I would love them!  |
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waterbender111
Master airbender
Water you drink it I bend it!
Posts: 165
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Post by waterbender111 on Jan 12, 2008 18:14:12 GMT 1
ya but they are a little ~~so~~ but i dont know if many people would read them my teacher liked them but of course there teachers so.?!?!...
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Post by firebeans on Jan 12, 2008 20:08:23 GMT 1
I thought it is really good!!!! I enjoy writing stories myself but they aren't about avatar!!!
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Post by momopawz on Jan 12, 2008 23:03:49 GMT 1
This is SO good! |
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Post by Katara on Jan 17, 2008 13:44:59 GMT 1
This was Ok...
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Post by xxtophfanxx on Jan 20, 2008 3:34:04 GMT 1
keep writing, you've set this up well.
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Post by katara279momo on Jan 27, 2008 5:27:41 GMT 1
OMG i loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think it could happen
oh man that was just a great story nice job
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Bruce8331
Avatar State Master
Sokka found Toph!
Posts: 4,625
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Post by Bruce8331 on Jan 30, 2008 21:10:11 GMT 1
I'm also a Tokka fan so I'm liking the story so far, and I'm hoping that Toph will hook up with Soka in the end. But what if you added to the story about the up coming episode called the Boiling Rock. This is a spoiler about it another thread.
Boiling Rock is actually a high security prison in a lake of fire (lava pool). Somehow the Gaang finds out that Suki is there, but it turns out Azula planted her as a trap to lure the rest of the Gaang. Zuko distracts Azula so the Gaang can escape. (could be the end of of part 1) The Gaang return for Zuko at a later time (part 2) free him and the rest of the prisoners and escape Azula's treacherous grasp.
I don't know if this is true, but it would be cool if you used this for your story......just putting some ideas into the pot. ;D
P.S. I'm definitely book-marking this thread, so expect me to be sticking my head where it doesnt belong. (it's just a figure of speach lol)
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Greenearth for Dai Li!!
