Windgale
Master airbender
Boo.
Posts: 182
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Post by Windgale on Jan 4, 2009 1:31:40 GMT 1
Ok, first of all got to hit on my pet peeve first: SPACING!! pick up a book and you can clearly see NO books have paragraphs spaces that far apart. I HATE that.
The sad part: Well in ALL honesty.... i didn't buy it. i saw it how zakura did at the beginning: and old play. Zakura must be just liek my mom whe nsomeone dies in a movie. she cries a lot. I just, didn't think it was sad enough to buy. sorry. And ,now that i re-read it.. i think you overplayed it.
Other then that: Man, i wish i could write that good. Nice dialog in the beginning. it was believeable until the crying. I'm jealous of your powers.
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Teяa253
No life Poster
I am amazing. I know.
Posts: 70,114
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Post by Teяa253 on Jan 4, 2009 1:33:22 GMT 1
you must have little or no understanding of Zakura then. she never cries.
this is her one soft spot.
~Azula~
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Windgale
Master airbender
Boo.
Posts: 182
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Post by Windgale on Jan 4, 2009 1:37:20 GMT 1
but HONESTLY.... Life sucks. i usually only cry when i drop large, heavy things on my foot. soft spot or not, i don't cry when people make fun of my age. and it was so.. not built up... it was such a short amount of time. It would liek me saying, 'gawd tera you suck at writing.' and you breaking down crying...it was unexpected.
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Teяa253
No life Poster
I am amazing. I know.
Posts: 70,114
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Post by Teяa253 on Jan 4, 2009 1:47:27 GMT 1
well, it's something that has haunted her life.
if you had read the other chapters (hint hint) you would see that she always gets dodgy when the subject is brought up.
that's why I tell people to read them all though... then holes like this don't come up. lol
~Iroh~
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Windgale
Master airbender
Boo.
Posts: 182
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Post by Windgale on Jan 4, 2009 1:53:12 GMT 1
Yeah, your right. i have no idea. I was just in the exact same place as zakura all my life. i have no idea how people who are generally not loved feel. i should just go die under a rock, oh, wait, that's hate. Maybe im being critical BECAUSE i know what that's like and its unrealistic.
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Teяa253
No life Poster
I am amazing. I know.
Posts: 70,114
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Post by Teяa253 on Jan 4, 2009 1:54:50 GMT 1
Zakura has plenty of friends, it's just the fact that her own flesh and blood hates her guts is what annoys her that much.
~Iroh~
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Windgale
Master airbender
Boo.
Posts: 182
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Post by Windgale on Jan 4, 2009 1:57:37 GMT 1
I give up. all hail tera, the mighty overlord of authoring in which there can be nothing wrong in his books. i'm just saying i DIDNT BUY IT
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Teяa253
No life Poster
I am amazing. I know.
Posts: 70,114
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Post by Teяa253 on Jan 4, 2009 1:59:36 GMT 1
that's because you don't understand her background.
granted, I'm not the best writer in the world, but when someone criticizes something that I actually do answer, I'm going to correct it.
~Tera~
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Windgale
Master airbender
Boo.
Posts: 182
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Post by Windgale on Jan 4, 2009 2:01:43 GMT 1
Read Twilight. Not so much because i want you to know what happens, but because i want you to see the writing style. As i was reaidng that i kept thinking twilight, twilight...
i think you would benifit from reading it.
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Teяa253
No life Poster
I am amazing. I know.
Posts: 70,114
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Post by Teяa253 on Jan 4, 2009 2:10:11 GMT 1
I heard that the writing style sucked. lol
~Zuko~
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らuやにr
Master Avatar
Alive!
Posts: 3,655
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Post by らuやにr on Jan 4, 2009 2:26:33 GMT 1
lol, I'm reading this in a random order.  I still haven't read many of the others, it's just that this one caught my attention. Well... No offence at all, but apart from the specific choice of words, this was something I could've wrote. But on a side note; that's one more reson I really enjoyed reading it. |
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Teяa253
No life Poster
I am amazing. I know.
Posts: 70,114
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Post by Teяa253 on Jan 4, 2009 2:28:04 GMT 1
glad to hear it.
like I've said before, this story has a little bit of something for everyone.
~Azula~
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Windgale
Master airbender
Boo.
Posts: 182
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Post by Windgale on Jan 4, 2009 17:40:20 GMT 1
But you don't yell at the other person who skips around -_-;
The more i read this, coming back to it on my second day... the more.. i like it... actually.... please don't ask me why. xD But i like it
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Teяa253
No life Poster
I am amazing. I know.
Posts: 70,114
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Post by Teяa253 on Jan 4, 2009 17:50:28 GMT 1
okie.
and no, I don't yell at the person who skips around, I jus tell them to read the rest of the story so it makes sense. =3
~Tera~
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Windgale
Master airbender
Boo.
Posts: 182
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Post by Windgale on Jan 4, 2009 18:06:48 GMT 1
well u didn't tell ‚çu‚â‚Ér not to skip around >=(
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