wat do you think about my first avatar fanfiction?

[waterbender111]

this is my first avatar story plz let me know.
Im katara in case you dont catch that and zokko is teachin aang firbending


Aang:So i have to hold my hands like this?

Zokko: Well i little higher

aang pulls his hands up in front of his face and bends fire at the dummy katara set up.

Zokko: Well thats good but,ummm keep your hands from moving it will help.

Aang:sorry every time i fire bend i see Katara as the object.

Aang walks away.

ME: hi aang do you want some rice and bread?

She sees Zokko coming around not meeting her eyes.

Me: WAT did he do?

aang looks around at zokko and smiles

Aang:nothing its just me. every time i firebend i see you as the target and it well worries me

i felt my face redden.

Me:oh well im just saying

While they eat azula sneaks in to the temple to try and capture aang

Toph: wait i feel something

at this time they all stop eating sokka gets up to look around im on my feet water readey and zokko and aang ready to fight wat ever was there.

Azula: well well i guess there is no sneaking up on you people is there

ty-lee then jumps out of the shadows and strikes aang,tohp and sokka

ME thinking:Well zokko i guess its time for you to prove your self.

i go to stand by aang he is on the ground as limp as a bone fish








Well that is all i have so far if there is any improvements i can get plz let me know ;D

[xxtophfanxx]

it seems a little juvinile. you need to work on more descriptions. that's about it.

[waterbender111]

cool thanks im a detail person but i had to come up with this in like 5 mins so (not much work)lol ill do better

[sokka118]

Yeah, definately more description. Oh and put the characters "thoughts" in italics so we can easily tell that their not still talking out loud. And this is how you spell "Zuko." Practice makes perfect so keep at it ok.

[sokka118]

I just re-read it. Capitalization needs some work to. Sorry if I sound to harsh. But you said to let you know about improvements so that what I'm doin. But I'll say it again, keep at it ok.

[nicole0deon]

i agree with Sokka118. its a good concept and good start. you just gotta add some more details. i'll repeat some advice sakuraangelina gave me, it was something like: your excited about your story, and your in a rush to share it with the world, but you've gotta slow down. i probably didnt do what she said justice, but it means just take it slow keep going with your story. once you add some more juicy details, we'll all be eating it up like starved binge eaters. ahh me and my analogies. haha just go with it

[tenoko]

They said it all. Take some time when you can modify it at a pace slow enough to gather your thoughts.

[waterbender111]

k guys thanks a lot if you would like i have another story the "not avatar but..." its about horses if you want to read it i put a bit of detail in it.!?!?!?! is it enough

thanks for the help to